Lots of things

So much has happened in the past couple days that I have a lot to write about. But I'm going to have to save that for the weekend, highlights include; working in Geeka's office, I processed my samples in another lab, dealing with the Center manager, my friend and classmate defended and passed, the celebration dinner.

But, I either have a 24 hours bug or I ate something bad last night. I woke up sick around 4am this morning, barely made it to the bathroom. But I had to be at work by noon. I wanted to prepare for the meeting tomorrow but felt so bad and had such trouble focusing I accomplished nothing, I could have jus stayed home. I'm going to get up early and do it tomorrow, hopefully I'll feel better. I don't have a choice, I have to get up and go.

My head, neck, and shoulders hurt. My throat hurts from getting sick. And food still makes me nauseous. I'm going to bed to try and sleep.

Time to go back

Tomorrow I have to go back to start experiments again. I have a meeting with my boss that I've managed to put off until Friday but I don't have much done. I have this underlying sense of anxiety because I know I should have A LOT done by now. But on the other hand, I just don't care. One reason I've had such a hard time getting back to work is because of the type of experiments I have to do. They can last up to 12-14 hours, and I can't shorten them. Which is long enough to work everyday but seems virtually impossible lately since I've been sick.

The problem I'm having is that this cold has bothered my asthma. I had a cold like this a few years ago, where even after the cold was gone I had lingering asthma problems for weeks. And I know that this is one of the same colds. I'm still not completely better but I'm sooo tired because I'm not sleeping. As soon as I start to fall asleep I cough and wake up. I don't know how I'm going to make it through the day tomorrow.

I went to work yesterday for a little bit. We had a Center meeting for all the postdocs, research associates, and grad students about the tissues cultures rooms. I was so pissed because the meeting lasted less than 10 minutes. They spend more time talking about why there was fruit instead of cookies at the seminars instead of the tissue culture rooms. I was actually happy there was fruit but apparently, fat and sugar is what people want. As someone said, the cookies keep people coming, as you know, compared to the person giving the seminar.

I stayed home today because I was so tired. Also I had the excuse that all over the news they kept saying that the air quality was extremely bad today and those people with lung conditions and the elderly should stay inside. I would have had an even harder time breathing.

But it's supposed to rain tonight and the air is supposed to be better tomorrow. I know I'll be exhausted but I need to go anyway. I keep telling myself that my boss is going on vacation on the 20th. If I can last that long I'll take time off if I still need it. I also can't help thinking that LB is taking a months vacation, so why the heck should I feel guilty taking time off when I'm sick.

I hate summer colds

So I've been sick. The symptoms started last Wednesday. I was going home Friday for the 4th of July (since it was on a Wednesday we celebrated on the weekend, it was easier for everyone). I know when a bad cold is coming on and I just knew. So I called my doctor on Thursday for a prescription, yes, I know, antibiotics don't help when it's a virus. But the past few times I haven't had any luck in getting rid of it without help, so I wanted to hit it before it came on hard. Well, I didn't get the prescription until Saturday morning, actually two, amoxicillen and hydrocodone for the cough but it was too late. It already hit me hard. I had no voice, was exhausted, and coughed a lot. It was bothering my asthma.

Unfortunately, I'm still sick. The only thing I could keep down yesterday was some broth and that wasn't until late in the evening. As a result, I've missed a lot of work, the end of last week and ALL of this week. What compounds it is that the week prior I didn't get anything done because the cytometer was broken and I had to toss my cells because of an unwanted virus infection. I've lost half a month. I wanted a break but not this way. This isn't rejuvenating. Pardon my language, but this just sucks. The amoxicillin is useless and the hydrocodone works to stop the coughing but it makes me feel 'funny.' Now that I'm pressured to get a lot done to graduate I can't afford to take this much time off. I was only able to drag myself to work to process blood so I have cells to do experiments.

I'm starting to feel extremely discouraged, more than usual. I remember two months ago I was telling my parents that I should be done with experiments by the end of June. Before that we were hoping I'd graduate in June, then it was moved to the end of summer, now it is moved to early fall. I feel like I'm running out of time. What if I can't get done by December? I have no choice because Kiwi isn't paying for me anymore, the department is. The reality didn't hit until I received confirmation of my registration for the fall.

I'm not even to the point where I can write yet. My boss doesn't even want me to work on a publication yet. I'm starting to, as geeka puts it "falling into a deep pit of despair."

I should be sleeping

My being sick has completely messed up my sleeping pattern. I'm sleeping most of the day so now I can't sleep at night. I should be sleeping now and I'll regret it tomorrow, uh, today, when I have to get up in 4 1/2 hours. My day will be insanely busy, blood processing, faculty candidate stuff, meeting with kiwi and potential collaborator, meeting with kiwi, and finish processing blood. I will barely have time to breathe, which will probably make me sicker. I should have been preparing for the meeting today instead of sleeping, but I just couldn't make myself do anything that involved thinking. Now I'm going to pay for it.

My turn to be sick

Everyone seems to be getting sick around here lately. LB, Geeka, Geeka's boss, my fiance - now it's my turn. I feel like crap, I never used to get sick a lot but now I seem to catch everything everyone else always has. I think it's because I'm overworked and excessively tired, weakening my immune system.

I have a cold. I'm so devoid of energy I don't want to move, or think. I should be reading up on stuff for work but don't' feel like it. It sucks, no matter how crappy I feel I still have to go to work, even tomorrow, on a Sunday. I have slides to analyze for a Monday afternoon meeting.

Now my boss is talking crazy talk about how he knows we are trying to get me done "but". He's talking about generating a T cell clone. As I've repeated many times, he's lost his mind.

I wonder how many times the same person can lose his mind?