My cover's been blown (kinda)

I received a rather unexpected phone call today. Apparently, using a fairly common search term that would bring up thousands and thousands and thousands of websites, a professor of mine from grad school stumbled upon my blog. He read it for a while when it finally dawned on him he knew who I was. It was the Kiwi. The good news is I don't care. He is a pretty cool professor and I don't mind what he reads. In fact, the only reason I think he was able to figure it out was that I confided in him about some of the conflicts I had with the Kiwi. And Loverboy. So once he read the posts it wasn't too hard to put two and two together. I know I can trust him. He's just learned one way in which I learned to cope with the situation.

I just hope no one else figures it out. But I don't think they will because only people I trust know how things actually were in that place.

UPDATE: OK, now I know never to make assumptions. I actually typed in the search term, which should has produced countless hits. It's a very common term. But apparently, it only brings up 441. Still a lot. The problem is, mine is 4th one listed on the first page. Darn it.

Showing my boss my presentation

Kiwi was out of the country all last week at a conference. Today was his first day back and we met to go over my presentation for my defense Thursday. The reality of the whole thing started to get to me today. I was actually sick to my stomach this morning. No matter what everyone around here tells me, I know it isn't a "formality" with my committee. They have been so unpredictable thus far I'm not sure what's going to happen. I feel like I'm starting to accept the fact that I might not pass.

When we sat down today, the first thing I asked him was if he looked at my dissertation at all. Nope, of course not - but to be honest I wasn't that surprised. He gave his usual list of excuses, but this time he actually said he wanted to finish working on LB's manuscript to have it submitted by the end of the week. That really pissed me off. What about my manuscript! I'm the one with no publications, I'm the one with the dissertation defense coming up with a committee that's demanding a publication, I'm the one who's no longer working in the lab. He's such an ass. It just shows how low I am on his list of job priorities. Well, he's going to have to explain to my committee why it hasn't been submitted yet. He's had it for a couple months now and we told the committee it would be submitted by the end of April or early May. It's out of my hands.

Anyway, I digress. I went through the presentation. He actually had some useful comments that I'll incorporate into the presentation. He felt I needed more background information. I already have 47 slides and now I'll be adding several more. After this advice, he proceeds to tell me my presentation will have a lot of background but is weak/light on data so I should add some things that aren't in the dissertation write-up. Then he left the meeting say how good the presentation was looking and it should be good. Talk about mixed messages.

So will he get a chance to read the dissertation before my defense? Probably not. He told me he probably already knows most of what's in it. (This after he saw data in the presentation, was surprised, and said how good that would be to add to the manuscript that he's never looked at.) I reminded him I made changes based on early suggestions, and he's never actually looked at an entire chapter. So I asked him to look over that one, short chapter and the overall discussion and let me know if there is anything I shouldn't have said, or misstated, or anything that might come up that I should be prepared for my committee to target. He said OK. That means no.

I can't wait to get this done. Whether I pass or not, it will be over and I can move on with my life.

Turned in at last

I just turned in my written dissertation to all my committee members. Boy, does it feel good. And not that I'm complaining, but Kiwi never even looked at it. I gave him another copy Monday after I received a snarky comment from him about "no feedback for two weeks." Excuse me?! I do believe you were supposed to be giving me feedback! He asked me if I thought it was okay. Of course I think it is okay, well, at least good enough. He actually asked me if I had any questions for him or if I needed anything from him. Gee, it's a little late for that considering I had to give it to my committee members within the next 2 hours. I told him if he could at least read the entire thing before my defense and let me know if there is anything he thinks I should be prepared to defend or even modify that I would appreciate it.

At least it's turned it!! Now I can focus on the presentation (among several other things).

I know I've said this before

But really this time, back to blogging. I lost the spirit for a while. So many frustrations that I just didn't want to talk about it. But I feel that it's time again. I miss my blogging friends!

The changes a couple months can make. First some updates. Kiwi decided if I needed more time that I could (should) turn my dissertation write-up to my committee one week before the defense, even though they were required to have two weeks. Needless to say, it didn't happen and due to a committee member complaining he didn't have two weeks Kiwi gave in. Really, there wasn't much he could say. The rest of the committee members didn't care. They could care in the least. Kiwi wasn't happy but oh well, he isn't paying me.

So how does it stand right now? Essentially, my dissertation write-up is finished, and has been for at least a month. I gave it to Kiwi a few weeks ago but he hasn't had time to look at it OR my manuscript. In fact, he doesn't have time for my defense until the end of July. He can't manage to fit 2 hrs into his oh-so-busy schedule. He sucks. It was just a bunch of stupid excuses. Everything on his schedule is waayyy more important than my defense.

However, all is not bad. I managed to convince the appropriate people from my department that since my boss doesn't have time for me until the end of July, which is not my fault, that they need to cover my health insurance until then. They agreed. The good thing about this is that in order to qualify for health insurance they need to give me 1/4 GSR. So I get a small paycheck. Very small, but it's something. In addition, in a position which I'm going to dedicate an entire post, I have a new GSR in a different department. So I'm getting health insurance and 1/4 paycheck from my degree department and the rest of a GSR paycheck from another. Since Kiwi and the Center won't pay me, I just found someone who would. And it's something I enjoy.

So right now, everything is okay, not great, but okay. I'm just looking for job, and preparing myself for my defense, on July 31st!! Oh, and I haven't seen the Kiwi for weeks, just email correspondence. And that's not for lack of trying, he just ignores every single email in which I ask for a meeting.

I called my boss irrational

After much deliberation (which including talking to mom, Geeka, and fiance) I finally faced the reality that there was no way in heck I was going to have my dissertation written by Monday. I felt much better. However, I still had to talk to my boss. The first thing I did was call the person in the department in charge of the students. He was completely supportive, said it was no big deal. It happens more often than not. Don't rush it if I need more time to write. If anyone gives me problems, have them talk to him. I shot an email out to Kiwi telling him I had to meet with him Friday and we decided 8:45 before his day started. He had a meeting at 9:30. I spent all evening and morning thinking about what I was going to say and how I was going to say it. After interacting with his craziness for 6 years I thought I knew how he was going to react. He'd be pissed, complain and whine, insult me, but ultimately say it was my decision and it's between me and my committee, he wouldn't want a part in it.

I thought wrong. He is much crazier than I thought he was - and that's saying a lot.

This was the rational that I would use:

1 - I have been working non-stop but the reality is that 1 1/2 months is not enough time to write a dissertation from scratch. Without a manuscript to start from.
2 - I understand I will not get a stipend after May. He won't pay me. I'll deal with it because it's my decision.
3 - The committee won't care, all they want is a manuscript which had to at least be submitted by the time I defend, which it isn't. It's been on Kiwi's desk for weeks.
4 - It serves no one to turn in something that isn't done; it is a waste of every one's time.
5 - It will not affect him at all since he won't be paying me. I just have to write and schedule a meeting.

It's hard to even describe how the meeting went. He asked how it was going. I said not that great. And told him I finally faced the reality that it wouldn't be done by Monday. We argued for the next 20 minutes. Through the course of the argument I reiterated several times what I mentioned above. Here are some of his comments.

"I will not even entertain the idea."

"I recommend you don't pursue it."

"As far as I'm concerned your dissertation is on the 19th."

And the best one "I'll be there on the 19th for your defense whether you are there or not."

He had the look of a petulant child throwing a tantrum, like he's going to do it whether I like it or not.

Then he proceeded to compare me to a student who had rescheduled several times and was there 9-10 years. I just interrupted him, told him that isn't even a fair comparison. The difference is my work is done, all I'm doing is writing, and I'm pushing to leave. She wasn't.

I must say it was wonderful to call him irrational to his face, and ridiculous. I'm just glad I've developed self-control over the past few years with him. There was A LOT worse running through my head.

Finally, he said turn it in next Friday instead of Monday - which I should be able to do. But I never actually verbally agreed to it. Then I asked him why in the last email he sent me he said the manuscript had to be completely reworked. We went through it, he's only scanned it so far. I asked him if he looked at the part of the dissertation discussion I sent him a couple days ago. He hadn't. I made him open it and go over it with me. I made him 1/2 hour late for his meeting. I don't care. If he was going to be such an ass, he was going to give me CONSTRUCTIVE feedback on what I sent him.

Grrrrr.... I went and vented to Geeka. We calm each other and prevent the other from harming people.

Of all the scenarios I ran through my head that was not one of them. And at the end of the meeting he had to sign the GSR letter stating I will get paid the month of May. He looked at it - "What's this," "What does it say?" and proceeded to read it. It is the same letter he has signed for every student since before I was there - every semester. Like I was hiding something in it!

He's gone next Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday so I scheduled a meeting with him Thursday morning.

I can't wait to get the hell out of here. Oh - I told him that too. If he thought I was making the decision lightly about rescheduling I wasn't, I want to be out of here and get this done more than anyone. I want to move on with my life.

Dissertation RBOC

I am officially at the I-don't-think-I-can-do-this stage.

I still have 50 pages to write minimum, and finalize this by the end of the weekend.

My boss is being an ass, decided he wants to look at the dissertation today, but I'm not done. So let's see if I can write those 50 pages by tomorrow morning.

The manuscript won't be done by the time I defend, all of a sudden the entire thing needs to be reworked and rewritten. And Kiwi doesn't have time to do it before then. We told my committee it would be submitted. I just think he doesn't want to take time to look at it now.

I still haven't looked for a job.

I find myself thinking of sleep more and more.

Realized today that the student before me got away with using very large font and double spacing the reference section.

This whole process isn't worth it, there's more to life than this. Feel like I wasted 6 years of my life.

Recipe: Mix a pinch of sleep, some anxiety, and a lot stress. Bake in front of a committee for 2 hours. Get one serving of fried me.

Best way to format my dissertation ??

I thought I knew how I was going to put my dissertation together. Not anymore. I had a meeting with Kiwi on Friday and he seems to have changed his mind, but he hasn't convinced me yet that this is the best plan. So over the past 6 years my project has been rather all-over-the-board. Every committee meeting my third aim changed. That wouldn't be so bad but I've spent months and months (years) going in various directions, only to have either hit dead ends, or was stopped by Kiwi before I could finish a series of experiments. Thus, I have a lot of experiments (i.e., series of experiments) that were never finished.

I also have nopublication. Kiwi decided a long time ago he wanted my entire dissertation in one manuscript. I tried to change his mind several times but never succeeded. Now he has put me a hard situation. We are writing this manuscript and are leaving several pieces out as 'data not shown." Here's the tricky part, I want to show the DNS in my dissertation. I also have to divide my dissertation into chapters. The standard is to use publications as chapters, which kind of follow your aims. Well, I will have one manuscript which contains ALL of my aims. I can't just have one chapter. So we decided that we were going to break up the manuscript into three chapters, following my three aims and include everything we left out. Sounded good to me! But he's had a change of heart. Now he wants me to focus on my manuscript because of the committee, insert it as Chapter 1, which will encompass all my aims, add the DNS in the appendix, and "make-up" a fourth aim. Yes, you heard me right. That is why I'm here on a Sunday, instead of working comfortably from my apartment. I'm pouring through 5-6 years worth of lab work, a lot of which was never finished, trying to come up with a 4th aim. I was venting to FD and we both agree this is a colossal waste of my time. Kiwi said he hears me say how I've done a lot of work so why not include it in a fourth aim, which yeah, I have, but he's stopped most of it. Now my 'homework' for the weekend is to see if I can make my experiments that were 'not publishable' and didn't work as 'we wanted' fit coherently into another aim. And he said I'll have to figure out some way to explain 'around the data' during my defense as to why this should be included in the thesis since it isn't publishable.

Grrr.

So, I have three days total to 'make-up' a 4th aim, finish my manuscript figures, write figure legends, and finish my methods and results. My series of meetings with my committee members starts Tuesday afternoon and since my committee doesn't care about "aims" I'm only going to talk about my manuscript. But I need the fourth ready in case they want to know if there is 'anything else' besides the manuscript.

And I still need to figure out what the last component of the manuscript means. The data didn't turn as we expected. Which isn't a bad thing. Except now I have to explain it which I'm having trouble doing, and Kiwi doesn't know either. And since it's the last major part, I just know that's what the committee is going to question. When my dissertation became a 'cell biology' project it started being out of my element. I've never even had a cell biology class!!

Just too much

I haven't written in a long time. Really, the reason is that I'm just a bit too overloaded. When I think about writing my brain practically explodes from the things that are running through my mind. Just sooo much stuff to talk and think about. I'll just have to take it in small pieces. After a short crying spell last night I've calmed down and now I'm trying to take control of a situation that has fallen under the vices of others, namely my committee members.

I came back from Christmas break with optimism about what I had left to do. I had everything planned out, I even processed blood two times in preparation. Then everything changed after an email that Kiwi sent me out of the blue, it came after an email requesting a meeting. Here is the main excerpt:

"I cannot buy any more supplies for your studies, which are now not funded,
and the Center needs to stop funding your salary as they are overextended."

After that, all work essentially stopped. I panicked at first thinking that meant next month (Feb) but I found that "as soon as possible" meant April. But now after the past week, I'll be here through May, defending mid-May. That's it. No more. No options. I'm extremely
upset that I won't be done at the end of April because that means I'm just going to miss the graduation deadline.

There's a lot more to this story, which I probably talk about as I have to take breaks or vent in the next few months. But right now I'm a bit overwhelmed because I have to write an entire dissertation and manuscript in two months because of the demands of my committee.

I have so much running through my brain right now that I'm probably rambling, which is why I haven't posted. But maybe if I start typing again those thoughts will become a bit more ordered.

I complimented Kiwi

It happened before I knew what was coming out of my mouth. I couldn't stop it. I was getting off the elevator and he was getting on. He had black slacks, a red shirt, and a black and grey jacket. I was so stunned that he was wearing normal clothes I complimented him before I could stop myself. He looked almost as shocked as I was.

More experiments

Sometimes I think it will never end. I have just a few experiments left, so I thought. Then I met with my boss today. Like I mentioned before, overall the departmental retreat went very well. My data was well received. One part I didn't focus on, because I was hoping after a few days if I didn't mention anything my boss would forget. Well, he didn't forget.

At the retreat were two of my committee members, Scope Man and Friend of Scope Man. Scope Man had a long talk with Kiwi before Kiwi even gave his presentation because Kiwi whipped out his computer to show Scope Man what we had. And Friend of Scope Man talked to both Kiwi and I after his presentation. The result - lots of suggestions of experiments I should do next. Easy in theory, and I stress in theory. But aren't all experiments that way. Things are never as easy as they sound and appear on paper. What I can't get my boss to understand is that just because other researchers have used a particular technique I will be using this same technique in a way it's never been used before. It might not work. In fact, I think this whole new series of experiments might lead to a dead end, but I'm afraid to think of that.

The other unfortunate thing, in order to run all these new experiments I have to learn how to use a new cytometer. I'm hoping it won't take too long to get the hang of it. I know flow and how collecting and analyzing events works, I know all the ins-and-outs of flow (I was dubbed Flow Goddess by our old lab manager! And the Goddess thing boosts my spirit.). But the software for this cytometer is completely different. Kiwi wanted me to stay with the machine I use now and didn't like the idea of my using a different cytometer. Then I broke the experiment down into smaller pieces and made him understand that for what my committee wanted to learn, I had to use this new cytometer that uses more colors. I had wanted to defend in December but now, I don't think that will happen. I really, really wanted to be done before Christmas. But it looks like I may not be done until January or February. But neither of us mentioned this during our meeting today.

To be honest, I really don't care too much as long as I'm done by April 2008 graduation and as long as I get paid. That last part is the iffy one, finishing by April 2008 is the easy one. I hate talking about funding with Kiwi, it is such a touchy subject. I think I'll give myself to the end of October to see how much I have done (and the likelihood I'll be finished with all experiments by then is slim, the end of November looks more likely), then I'll talk to Kiwi about an actual completion date and setting more limits to my experiments. I hate having to stress about funding when it's supposed to be his responsibility. He never should have hired a postdoc when he can't even care for his own students.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever get done. I wonder if my committee will ever let me leave, or more importantly, agree to let me leave before my funding is cut.

UPDATE:
Forgot one thing, all those images I made last week, that took the entire week to make, we decided today that they would look better if I did them in a different way. So they all have to be redone. When am I going to do this, on top of all the experiments he just decided that I need to do? Don't ask me. I have no idea.

The week was worth it

This week may have been hard but for me, yesterday made all that work worth it. I met Ding in front of her apartment and we left for work to pick up PostDoc then headed out for the retreat. Registration started at 7:30 and talks started at 8:30 but we decided to leave around 9am. Kiwi was inoculating animals in the morning so he wouldn't be there until maybe 11am. We saw no need to get there early. It was in a building located near downtown so we didn't have far to go.

The retreat consisted of various faculty members giving 1/2 hour presentations with 10 more minutes allotted for questions. Unfortunately, the moderator didn't moderate. All he did was bring up the next person's presentation when the current person was finished. As a result, almost everyone talked too long. Some people talked twice as long as they were supposed to but no one said anything. By lunch time we were over an hour behind schedule.

Lunch was at a famous, fabulous Italian restaurant. The entire retreat was worth it because I got to eat there. I always wanted to but never actually got around to it. I'll have to come back with Fiance sometime. But they only scheduled lunch for 1 1/2 hours. Lunch was a few block away from the building where the presentations were located. So over 50 people had to walk to the restaurant, get seated, and be served a multi-course meal. An Italian meal. I've rarely been to a good Italian restaurant that serves food like that and been completely done in that amount of time. So we were running even later after lunch. However, there was a guest speaker who was supposed to speak after lunch and he never showed up. Since he wasn't there talks were moved up but at the end of the day we still ended over an hour late.

But dinner wasn't the reason yesterday was so good. In the morning Scope Man gave his presentation and he mentioned working with Kiwi and me, doing good stuff and that people would get to hear about it in the afternoon. He is very well known and regarded so it is really nice to have him mention not just my boss, but me! Then Kiwi gave his presentation on my work in the afternoon. He did pretty good. Every now and then he would look at me when he wasn't sure about something and I would nod my head yes. He got a couple things wrong but they were minor and no one knew but me. There were several good questions afterwards and some good suggestions. In the acknowledgements he put my picture up and said that all the work was done by me. And since everyone knew what I looked like I had several people come up to me afterwards during the coffee break, then during the reception to tell me how nice the data looked. Kiwi thanked me several times for putting his presentation together. He made a comment that it was short compared to the others, but I reminded him that we made his presentation to fit the time allotted. He didn't run over like everyone else. The reception was nice, it was on the river with drinks and appetizers.

The only not so great part of the day was that I had to go to work after it was all over. I had to finish processing my PBMCs.

Than the day ended with the bus driver leaving me off in front of my apartment. The stop is actually several blocks away but since I was the last person on the bus he dropped me off on my doorstep!

What a week.

There is a departmental retreat tomorrow in a department that Kiwi holds a secondary appointment. He is giving a 30 minute presentation about all of my dissertation work. As a result I didn't do any bench work this week. What Kiwi doesn't realize is that it takes a considerable amount of time to analyze and prepare my images and movies. I make live-cell microscopy movies. If I do lab experiments everyday there is no time to prepare data. The ideal would be to do an experiment then spend the next day going over the results. But as we all know experiments must be done everyday until I'm done. So I had all of this backed up imaging to prepare and it took me all week. This week was just grueling.

Tuesday night I stayed until 12:30am then had to get up early the next day to proctor an exam for Kiwi since he wasn't going to be around. I'm still not sure how I got talked into that! And that day (yesterday) was just crazy. I was all ready to give the exam, I even got there 1/2 early, then the fire alarm went off. Luckily we were let back in early enough that they were able to finish the exam. Then I went back to my building (the exam was in a different building) to find the power was out. Emergency power was on but there are only so many outlets to plug major equipment into. So everyone was running around looking for power strips and extension cords. The lab next to us, FD and I all had samples that had to be processing so we were hooking up hoods and centrifuges and working in the dark. And for some reason, the other buildings had their power restored about 3 - 4 hours before we did. Another odd thing, the air conditioning was on full blast. We were all freezing. It's like all the power was diverted to the air conditioning. Who cares about freezers warming up, cells dying, virus escaping hoods - as long as the air is on! One good thing about the fact that most of the Center is still empty was there were emergency outlets places where there was no large equipment, so I relocated myself to the aisle, plugged my computer into an emergency outlet, and work on Kiwi's presentation. I made the presentation for him because I have all my data and know what I do. Even though it took me what felt like forever I still could do it faster than him. So the day became very long because of the exam then the power outage. I was running so late that I didn't get my scope time in the evening and had to come in early this morning to do it.

And today the building still wasn't functioning properly. Every now and then we hear a big "whoomp" and that either means the power is going out or something is wrong with the air. And today we had the opposite problem - we had power but no air. Some rooms reached over 85F. This crazy building. It's brand new and full of problems.

Not only did I put Kiwi's presentation together but I had to make him a 'cheat sheet' that told him how I did my experiments and what various reagents were used for. And what cells he was looking at. This tells you how little he is involved in my project. I had to make a cheat sheet.

Because of the retreat tomorrow I'm doing part of the monocyte isolation today and finishing it tomorrow evening after the retreat. I tried to talk FD into processing some of it for me tomorrow but he said he was too busy. Oh, well. I tried.

I'd be home by now but I had to spend time with Kiwi putting the movies into the presentation because he doesn't know how. With all this work I put into it he better do a good job!!!

I can't wait to to just veg tomorrow, listen to presentations, eat a good lunch and not be in lab. I talked Ding into coming with me so I'd know someone there. And the new post doc is coming with us. So I guess we'll get to talk to him a bit.

Lab photos

My boss gave a seminar earlier this week which included data from research that FD and Mo were and are working on. Okay, no big deal. And you know how presenters acknowledge people who contributed or helped out or whatever at the end. Also no big deal. One thing I have to give me boss, when he presents data that a student or technician produced he gives them credit and usually mentions that person as the data is being presented, not just at the end of the presentation. (Of course, unless it's LB's work, when he gives him credit for stuff he didn't do. But I digress.)

At the end of the seminar Kiwi popped up a photo of the entire lab. Yes, everyone who works in the lab. Admittedly we are a small lab but still, he went through everyone in the photo and said a sentence about what each of us worked on. But it was an old photo that had our lab manager in it who he let go. He fumbled when he got to her and said something like "This is Lab Manager, she's not with us anymore. Actually, I'm not really sure what she's up to nowadays." He went through us and forgot the acknowledgement page of the people who actually contributed until after the applause when he was flipping to the last slide.

He also redid his faculty web page and put all of our photos on it. Close-up individual photos. I kind of wondered why he insisted on taking a close-up of me by my poster at the departmental retreat, like less than 3 feet away close-up. I couldn't get him to back up even when I tried. He said he wanted me by my poster but the picture was way too close to fit the poster in.

A couple days ago I walk by his office, which I usually avoid, and he had those photos hung up on the outside of his door. He always hangs stuff on his door (the outside of his door) - seminar announcements, meetings, pictures his kids made - but this was a first. It struck me because it comes across as if he's proud of who is in his lab and wants everyone to know. None of the other PIs have pictures on their doors.

It also struck me as a bit odd. Anyone ever notice photos of lab members that their PI takes anywhere? Like on the outside of their doors?

UPDATE:
Fiance said those are mug shots. So if anyone finds us wandering around we are returned to him.

What's up with my boss?

Today I had to process blood in the hood room of another lab in the Center. It was a bit of a hassle because of the crazy lock mechanism on the doors (it takes two hands to open). I had to lug all of the reagents and stuff I needed from one hood room to another all afternoon. And after I started processing I realized that the other lab's centrifuge didn't refrigerate. It only worked at room temperature. I thought I was going to have to spend the afternoon running between three hood rooms because ours was full, I was working in one, and there was a refrigerated one in another hood room. I couldn't use their hoods but I could use their centrifuge. Kiwi was there when I was frantically running from hood room to hood room to hood room. He decided to be useful and told me that the lab used to process blood at room temperature all the time. So, that's what I did. The cells looked okay, just a little haggard at the end of 4 hours but they were alive. I'll see what they look like tomorrow.

While I was starting to process blood, immediately after the centrifuge temperature conversation we had this conversation:

Setting: Me preparing to start blood in the hood, all gowned and gloved and ready to go. Kiwi standing on my side of the BSL2 room door with no protective clothing. Trying to talk to me. I use this as an opportunity to mention the other hood room.

Me: So, did you talk to Incompetent Lab Manager about getting our other hood recertified?

Kiwi: Yeah, last week I sent her an email about it.

(Silence . . . me staring at him saying nothing.)

Kiwi: (hesitantly) Well, I could go ask her again about it. See if we could get things moving along.

Me: (in a tone that says, yeah, you better.) That would be nice.

Kiwi: Okay, I'll get onto that.

Me: Thanks.

(Uncomfortable silence.)

Me: When I have some free time next week . . . well, not really free time, don't have any of that. . . I guess when I have spins and incubations I'll get the other hood room set-up so when the hood is recertified the room is ready to go.

Kiwi: (enthusiastically) Okay, that's sounds good. Let me know when you're going to do it and I'll help you.

Me: (slightly stunned, no words come to mind immediately so . . ) Okay, thanks.

Kiwi: (smile on his face) No problem!

(He leaves the room and I get to work, a bit baffled)

Now he's really starting to scare me. I mean, someone mentioned to me the other day that maybe he's medicated. And in all honesty, I think he might be.

I'm being treated like a human being.

An interesting thing happened today. It's been happening more and more lately. The Kiwi is talking to me like I'm a human being. Not only that, but a human being that knows what it's doing. He actually wants me to do something not related to directly to my project. This is the first time all the years I've been here. Yes, it will benefit him (it's something for a new grant he's writing), but it's still amazing. And he's been talking to people about my work. Good stuff. He's even presenting all of my data at the Departmental Retreat of the other department he's a faculty member in. I just found that out today while he was bragging to the new rotation student about what I do. He told her I'm "dangerously close" to finishing up.

I'm not really sure how to act when he's like this. The best thing to do when he's like this is just to go along with it, because it can change from day to day. It's happened before. It's a calm before the storm. FD seems to think, he says he has a feeling, that Kiwi is trying to be a better boss. I don't know. I think it's a phase. This has happened too many times before. He's only in a good mood because he likes what my project is doing right now. And he's using my cells and my assay to get data for his grant.

But it does make me feel good that he likes what I'm doing right now. That doesn't happen often.

How do you know a student has been gone too long . . .

when the PI has to give him a tour of the lab. Yep, that's right, Kiwi had to give LB a tour of the lab. In the time he's been gone the major changes include the moving of several rooms.

We can no longer use one of our hood rooms, the one designated for a specific infectious disease. The small hood that belonged to my lab was put in the DNA/RNA room while the small hood of the other lab was moved from the general area to where our old hood went.

So we no longer have a DNA/RNA room. Everything in that room is in the aisles of the currently unoccupied benches. Including some of the stuff from the old hood room that doesn't fit in the new smaller room. We still haven't figure out where we are going to put everything. The Center likes to take our space away. Eventually we aren't going to any. Follow all that?

So LB needed a tour. And Kiwi looked happy to do it. While this was going on, FD and I learned what the monkeys feel like at the zoo. In the Pittsburgh zoo the monkeys are behind glass. So people are on the outside looking in at them. FD and I were working in the hood room, with Kiwi and LB talking, smiling, waving their arms, and looking in at us. I felt like I was on display.

It's amazing how someone can show up and immediately put everyone in a bad mood and make the atmosphere change. On a good note, I managed not to actually speak to Kiwi today.

Supplies in

Little things make me happy. Today I got a new timer. Yes, my old timer could time four different things at the same time, and this one can only do one. But I've dropped my old one too many times, trying to carry too much stuff at once and rushing around. If I move it wrong or set it on the desk too hard it resets. I have lost track of too many experiments too many times. The way I see it, I can still use my old one for multiple timing, I'll just leave in on my bench and not touch it. The time that will go off first I'll use my new one. It's great! It's super thin, the buttons are covered by flip top, and it's like a key chain so I can clip it to my jeans.

I also got a new stand for the biohazard bag by my desk. Because of the way the labs were organized when we moved we were one stand short. So our old lab manager ordered a new one but it was the wrong size. I've been sharing with LB. Who NEVER changes the bag. Not that he does that much work. But when he does he fills the bag with blue diapers. I will not take out his crap. He'll fill it until it's ready to overflow. So now I have my own. I put the old one by his bench.

There are benefits to having to place orders while Ding is gone.

I also ordered boxes of biohazard bags for each hood room and where the benches are located. We aren't supposed to be taking things out of each of the BSL2+ rooms but we have been because we don't have enough stuff. I got tired of it and ordered more. And those boxes are heavy! So I took them all to the hood rooms, even ripped off the top of the boxes for easy access, with my bare hands because scissors could not be found. They seem to have walked away. Anyway, while I'm moving all this stuff, the boss sticks his head in the hood room and says "You're getting a good workout today," like I don't do anything any other time. I just stared at him. Yes, I can do manual labor. Does he see anyone else doing it around here? Even with a bad shoulder and possibly a broken finger I'm still doing it. So he can get that stupid grin off his face. I thought he was going to yell at me for not gowning up in the room and wearing sandals. Because he did look at my feet. But noooo, all he commented on was that I was doing manual labor.

Random updates

As I'm sitting here waiting for my timer to go off, I realize that during the time I was MIA on my blog a few things of note have happened.

• Ding, our lab tech (our ONLY lab tech) had her baby early. Only a couple weeks early so the baby was fine. Our boss was going to visit her but never got around to it. She lives near me so I'm going to deliver her a care package. I wanted to give her some time to settle in with the baby first before I came barging in.


• My boss got a puppy. Just what he needs. Now he leaves early to take the puppy out. He really should be a stay-at-home parent. He doesn't balance family very well with work. Not well at all. His wife wears the pants in the family so he has to work around her schedule. Right now she's gone to a conference or something back in his home country - and left him behind. Hee-hee!


• He hired a post-doc. Our mission to thwart him has failed. Mainly because we never met this one, neither has he. Kiwi doesn't have enough money to bring the post-doc for a visit (he's in another country) so he hired him sight-unseen. Great, just great. He's not coming until the fall so I hope I'm gone by the time he gets here.

I know there's more but beep-beep-beep, I have to go.

I might be paranoid

The boss has been making me and Mo nervous lately. He's being realistic in how long it will take to get experiments done, he's in a decent mood, and he's being supportive of my work. All of which are extremely unusual. We are waiting for something to happen. Something always happens.

Mo told me that he has agreed that something he wanted her to do isn't going to be necessary. That she has enough. So he is cutting things from her and my project that might be great to do (at least in my case) but would take too long for our timetable. If we had done this a year ago it would be fine.

I learned yesterday he is gone today and tomorrow. I learned today where he went. This is the second time he has visited the same university down south. The first time he gave a seminar. No one knows what he is doing this time. He didn't even bother to tell us he was leaving.

I'm starting to worry that perhaps he is looking for another job. Besides his money issues, that might be why he is being realistic about what we can do by the end of the summer. He wants us to be done with experiments, writing, and ready to defend by the end of summer.

I wish I knew what he's doing down there. I bet LB knows.

Money Issues

It's kind of obvious that our boss is not well liked. He doesn't pay for two of his students, the remaining two (Mo & I), he says he doesn't have enough money to keep. Yet he is actively interviewing postdocs and will eventually hire one. So we know he's lying for the most part. As a result, we (FD, Mo, and I) don't care at all how much we spend. We buy what we need and sometimes we buy things we don't need (usually me). Our motto is "Spend the f*rs money. Who cares."

Well, yesterday, our boss has finally taken notice to what we've been doing. As a result of moving to the new facility, most of our purchases have to be signed by him. We used to use P-card, now we can't. And he never paid attention to finances. He came to each of us and asked that we watch what we spend and try to be frugal. Apparently, we all managed to spend 23,000 dollars last month! Most of his money has been wasted on LB's study so none of us really care. And honestly, most of what we bought last month were legit purchases. Mo and I are growing A LOT of dendritic cells, which require IL-4, GMCSF, and a lot of media with expensive FBS. That's probably where the bulk of the money is going. Oh well, if he wants our experiments to work, to even be done at all, we need the stuff.

I'd be interested to see how much the spending goes down after Mo and I leave.