Worth reading

For those of you who don't frequent her site, I think Jenny F. Scientist's post "Dear First-Year Grad Students" is worth reading. I want to print it out and give it to all the rotation students visiting our lab. But I will resist the urge, I hate to be the one to dull their enthusiasm.

We are officially open

Today was the inauguration of the Center and its BSL special lab/primate facility. We've been here over a year but I guess now there is enough equipment and people to make the tours interesting. Last week we were told to straighten up our benches, desks, TC rooms. And they've been telling us everyday to wear lab coats, like we are supposed to do all the time anyway. I spent Friday afternoon making a TC room look neat that we aren't even using yet. Then this morning there were still boards in the hallway without any posters so they were asking everyone who had one to put it up. My most recent poster is in Geeka's office but I had an old one. They didn't care, the people who were walking through wouldn't know any better, they just wanted something to cover the walls. It had been sitting there so long I had to dust it off! I also hung up one of Mo's. They also asked us to empty any full bio hazard bags. One of the techs specifically asked me to gather our stuff up because she was taking it downstairs. She noticed a full bag. I told her that it probably wasn't going to happen. It was LB's trash and no one is going to take out his crap. I just slid it under his desk for her.

Last week they had photographers in taking pictures of people working in the BSL lab, but it wasn't operational yet so they had to carry down supplies to that floor and people pretending to pipette things. Because the animal facility isn't actually ready to open yet. We are just pretending.

The media came through earlier, though I'm not really sure what media. I saw dudes with cameras walking around. Then this afternoon there was a reception where the head of the Center gave a speech, along with other important people. The senior vice chancellor read a letter from the governor - blah, blah, blah.

FD and I purposely didn't bring lunch today because of it. One thing about the Center, when it wants to impress people it pays for good food. My belly is full of good stuff, and some of it was so fancy I'm not even sure what I ate, but it was good! We also got a book about an infectious disease and its eradication, as well as a free laser pointer.

After the reception they started giving tours to people. I don't know who most of them are, actually, I didn't know most of the people at the reception. You could tell who were the students, they were the people in jeans, everyone else had on suits.

At least tomorrow it goes back to normal - disordered TC rooms, benches, desks and traipsing around with no lab coats!

"America's Most Smartest Model"

This is the title of a new reality series on VH1. This annoys me. It was probably done purposely, to poke fun at people, but come on. This title makes me want to not watch it. And it belittles anyone who is actual on it. The winner should be the first person to correctly explain what is wrong with the title of the show.

Rugby, a new sport for me to watch?

I have been exposed to more comments on rugby in the past week than I have my entire life. I love football. I love the NFL network where there are football things 24/7. I love how physical it is, the pounding of bodies, the athletic feats, the passion of the players and fans. But I've never watched rugby.

StyleyGeek recently had a couple posts talking about rugby. And cluelesslee has talked about rugby and enlightened me to the fact that the US is in the Rugby World Cup. Wow. I had no idea. Rugby is never in the news here. I'd like to watch it on television but I'm not even sure it would be on a channel that I would get. Is it even broadcast in the U.S.? It has to be, I'll have to look because I haven't yet.

I know nothing about the rules of rugby, it looks similar to football, but just without padding, but is it really? For those of you who know rugby you'll have to excuse my ignorance but I'm out to learn more now.

I also find it interesting that sports which are very popular in the rest of the world, like rugby and soccer, get very little notice here in the U.S. - just an observation.

Lab photos

My boss gave a seminar earlier this week which included data from research that FD and Mo were and are working on. Okay, no big deal. And you know how presenters acknowledge people who contributed or helped out or whatever at the end. Also no big deal. One thing I have to give me boss, when he presents data that a student or technician produced he gives them credit and usually mentions that person as the data is being presented, not just at the end of the presentation. (Of course, unless it's LB's work, when he gives him credit for stuff he didn't do. But I digress.)

At the end of the seminar Kiwi popped up a photo of the entire lab. Yes, everyone who works in the lab. Admittedly we are a small lab but still, he went through everyone in the photo and said a sentence about what each of us worked on. But it was an old photo that had our lab manager in it who he let go. He fumbled when he got to her and said something like "This is Lab Manager, she's not with us anymore. Actually, I'm not really sure what she's up to nowadays." He went through us and forgot the acknowledgement page of the people who actually contributed until after the applause when he was flipping to the last slide.

He also redid his faculty web page and put all of our photos on it. Close-up individual photos. I kind of wondered why he insisted on taking a close-up of me by my poster at the departmental retreat, like less than 3 feet away close-up. I couldn't get him to back up even when I tried. He said he wanted me by my poster but the picture was way too close to fit the poster in.

A couple days ago I walk by his office, which I usually avoid, and he had those photos hung up on the outside of his door. He always hangs stuff on his door (the outside of his door) - seminar announcements, meetings, pictures his kids made - but this was a first. It struck me because it comes across as if he's proud of who is in his lab and wants everyone to know. None of the other PIs have pictures on their doors.

It also struck me as a bit odd. Anyone ever notice photos of lab members that their PI takes anywhere? Like on the outside of their doors?

UPDATE:
Fiance said those are mug shots. So if anyone finds us wandering around we are returned to him.

What's up with my boss?

Today I had to process blood in the hood room of another lab in the Center. It was a bit of a hassle because of the crazy lock mechanism on the doors (it takes two hands to open). I had to lug all of the reagents and stuff I needed from one hood room to another all afternoon. And after I started processing I realized that the other lab's centrifuge didn't refrigerate. It only worked at room temperature. I thought I was going to have to spend the afternoon running between three hood rooms because ours was full, I was working in one, and there was a refrigerated one in another hood room. I couldn't use their hoods but I could use their centrifuge. Kiwi was there when I was frantically running from hood room to hood room to hood room. He decided to be useful and told me that the lab used to process blood at room temperature all the time. So, that's what I did. The cells looked okay, just a little haggard at the end of 4 hours but they were alive. I'll see what they look like tomorrow.

While I was starting to process blood, immediately after the centrifuge temperature conversation we had this conversation:

Setting: Me preparing to start blood in the hood, all gowned and gloved and ready to go. Kiwi standing on my side of the BSL2 room door with no protective clothing. Trying to talk to me. I use this as an opportunity to mention the other hood room.

Me: So, did you talk to Incompetent Lab Manager about getting our other hood recertified?

Kiwi: Yeah, last week I sent her an email about it.

(Silence . . . me staring at him saying nothing.)

Kiwi: (hesitantly) Well, I could go ask her again about it. See if we could get things moving along.

Me: (in a tone that says, yeah, you better.) That would be nice.

Kiwi: Okay, I'll get onto that.

Me: Thanks.

(Uncomfortable silence.)

Me: When I have some free time next week . . . well, not really free time, don't have any of that. . . I guess when I have spins and incubations I'll get the other hood room set-up so when the hood is recertified the room is ready to go.

Kiwi: (enthusiastically) Okay, that's sounds good. Let me know when you're going to do it and I'll help you.

Me: (slightly stunned, no words come to mind immediately so . . ) Okay, thanks.

Kiwi: (smile on his face) No problem!

(He leaves the room and I get to work, a bit baffled)

Now he's really starting to scare me. I mean, someone mentioned to me the other day that maybe he's medicated. And in all honesty, I think he might be.

A day of microscopy work, ending with a wet cat

Today was a day full of microscopy work. I spent the first several hours (9am-12pm) in a small dark room, sitting in a chair that was too short for the scope, scanning over several slides that I've looked at before. I had to send some images to Geeka today and I was determined to find what we were looking for. I think I looked at every single cell on those slides. But success!! I sent her the pictures today so hopefully they are what she needs.

I must admit I was also a bit selfish because by spending time scanning her slides I put mine off a couple hours. I was afraid to look at them. I have been working on optimizing this experiment for a year now (at least that long). Normally slide staining and microscopy work is straightforward but my experiment has several variables that make it a bit tricky. Some parts of the staining became complicated, as well as the experiment that was to be stained. Several times I've thought "This is the one. This is the last time I will ever have to do this experiment!" But every time something different needs to be worked out. This time I felt that this really was the last one. I had done preliminary staining a couple weeks ago and everything looked beautiful. The images came out so good that the Kiwi asked if he could put them on his new web page. My hopes were very high this time.

All that was left was to run the experiment then stain as I did during the trial run, just with one extra antibody in the mixture. Unfortunately, it is the pain-in-the-ass antibody. It is an anti-egfp conjugated to AlexaFluor 488. For those of you who don't know antibodies, this one is looking for a green fluorescent protein. But the color of the antibody (the 488) is also green. So how do I know the antibody concentration is right and is actually binding to what it is supposed to be binding to, when it is green antibody binding to a green protein? For various reasons my committee wanted me to do this, mainly because we thought some of the egfp was being degraded within the cell so hopefully using the egfp antibody would help detect more. But who knows? That is just one complicated aspect to an experiment that should be straightforward.

So the moment came. I was done with Geeka's and I put on my first slide. A little less egfp expression than I would have like but that's okay, that has nothing to do with the staining, it was 'one of those other variables.' I had three colors to look at. . . . and only one looked good, that was the egfp. The organelle staining didn't work. It was very faint, if I cranked up the setting on the scope I could make out the organelle but the background was too high for publication purposes. And the membrane marked I used was extremely faint on the conditions where I used the anti-egfp antibody. Which makes NO sense.

Once again I am disappointed. I'm starting to wonder if this will ever work at all. It's stressing me out. My project doesn't have enough substance if this doesn't work. There are just so many variables. When to add the inhibitor, what concentration to make the inhibitor, how long to leave the cells together, it goes on and on. I'm just so frustrated. I told the Kiwi I'm dropping the egfp antibody. If that doesn't work, I don't know what else to do. I also have a lot of flow data to analyze which I've been putting off. It is essential to my dissertation and I just don't want to deal with it if it didn't work either.

The problem is I'm running out of time. I know I could work these out if I had more time to optimize all the variables but I need to finish asap before my funding is cut off. So we are trying to do as much as we can, as fast as we can. And my boss really isn't into "optimizing" things, he just wants to jump into it and doesn't understand why I can't get it to work.

But enough of that, it depresses me. On a brighter note, Scope Man, the head of the imaging facility and committee member, requested some live-cell microscopy movies to show at a meeting he's going to in Moscow. He's not talking about my research but the technology that collected the data. I spent the afternoon trying to get the movies the size that he needed them, less than 20MB. Since he gave me only a few hours notice, and it just happened to be the day I wasn't in lab, I couldn't get them to him before he left. Since his talk is on Thursday he said to email them. Well, no matter what, the smallest I could make the movies was 80MB. So one of his employees suggested I put them on their website and he could download them from their server. So that's what I did, hopefully it will work. It's exciting that he wants to share some of the stuff that took so long to perfect. Even if he does forget to mention whose data it actually is that he's showing!

And the wet cat . . . while I was relaxing in the tub, trying to read a magazine, Dante was staring at me, of course because I wasn't paying attention to him. Sophie wanted to see what he was looking at so she jumped up on the rim and slide right into the water. All the way up to her neck. I had wanted to grab her and hold her next to the tub so Fiance could get a towel but she was able to jump out too fast. It was all Dante could do to get out the way and try to stay dry. There was water everywhere! That small cat soaked up a lot of water. Water all over the bathroom, down the hall, in the bedrooms. We managed to get her and together dried her off. She yowled and growled the entire time. Dante wanted to know what all the noise was about so he kept sticking his face up to hers while we were drying her. She was not thrilled. When we got her mostly dry we gave them both treats. They had a rough day, they were locked in rooms because the air conditioning dude was supposed to come then this happens. And he didn't show, so they have to be shut-in tomorrow again.

An exciting end to just another Tuesday. Life is never boring with cats. That's why I love them. No matter what kind of day I'm having, they always make me smile.

Back to blogging

I've been absent for awhile. Not for lack of having things to talk about. In fact, things happened at our departmental retreat that I feel compelled to talk about because they're just too strange and disturbing, but I'll get to that at another time.

I've been very busy at lab lately. I've been at work early, around my normal time, but I've been working later than usual. I've been getting home after dark and I either eat and go to bed, or just go to bed. Therein lies the problem, even though it really isn't a problem.

I realized that when I look at my favorite blogs or write posts on my blog at work I tend to get sucked in and don't accomplish what I should in lab. I have papers I could be reading, data I could be analyzing, planning experiments, working on my dissertation, looking for jobs - the list goes on and on. And I realize that even if I didn't get lost in the blogs the list would still never really disappear because new things always develop.

Anyway, I decided that I wouldn't do blogging at work. During incubation times I would try to be productive. Yes, productive. But as a result, I didn't blog at all. By the time I got home I was too tired and there was no way I was going to turn on a computer and do anything.

So, to heck with that idea. I enjoy blogging. It's a way for me to release stress and share the craziness that occurs around here. It's a way for my mind to take a break because I can't work all day long without stopping. I have a tendency to go and go and go and I often don't even fit lunch in until after 3pm or 4pm, if at all.

What I decided: I'm going to blog whenever I darn well feel like it. I just need set time limits on my browsing and not get sucked in.

So the mystery picture is. . . .

I'm very impressed with mrswhatsit's guess. The mystery picture is actually a chandelier made of glow sticks in a tent. Since it was pouring when we were camping she decided to break open the glow stick and make a chandelier. And we were in different tents so she sent the picture to my phone. A memento to remember the evening by.

Espresso machine

I recently remembered that I had an espresso machine. It's been sitting on my kitchen counter collecting dust. I haven't used it because I couldn't find the instruction manual and I didn't want to blow it up.

Last week I went online and after some searching found a manual for an espresso machine similar to mine. That's all I've been drinking since then. I haven't made regular coffee in awhile. I'm assuming that the number 4 on the glass container means 4 shots? If so, I've been having 4 shots of espresso every morning. It's been a good jump start since I've been so tired lately. But nooot necessarily good for me. Has anyone ever heard of people developing tolerance to caffeine?

I'm being treated like a human being.

An interesting thing happened today. It's been happening more and more lately. The Kiwi is talking to me like I'm a human being. Not only that, but a human being that knows what it's doing. He actually wants me to do something not related to directly to my project. This is the first time all the years I've been here. Yes, it will benefit him (it's something for a new grant he's writing), but it's still amazing. And he's been talking to people about my work. Good stuff. He's even presenting all of my data at the Departmental Retreat of the other department he's a faculty member in. I just found that out today while he was bragging to the new rotation student about what I do. He told her I'm "dangerously close" to finishing up.

I'm not really sure how to act when he's like this. The best thing to do when he's like this is just to go along with it, because it can change from day to day. It's happened before. It's a calm before the storm. FD seems to think, he says he has a feeling, that Kiwi is trying to be a better boss. I don't know. I think it's a phase. This has happened too many times before. He's only in a good mood because he likes what my project is doing right now. And he's using my cells and my assay to get data for his grant.

But it does make me feel good that he likes what I'm doing right now. That doesn't happen often.

Mystery Picture

My sister took this picture on her cell phone this weekend. Can anyone guess what it is?

I had a dream

So, this first part isn't a dream. I'll get to that.

This weekend Fiance and I went camping with my sister and her boyfriend. I wasn't sure how it would go because we don't always get along. But it was one of the best times I think I've ever had. It was better than I could have hoped. It was a peaceful, private area next to a creek not far from where my parents live. I was so relaxed. Work only popped in my head a few times but didn't stay long. It poured all night, there were two waves of thunderstorms. The storms were so bad that the thunder shook the ground. The water level went up almost a foot. But despite the weather I had a wonderful time. I don't remember the last time I was that relaxed.

And I must say, that with weekends like that I can handle the work week a lot better. I'm not nearly as frazzled as I normally am, even though I have several deadlines that I'm not going to make right on time.

So to the dream. I dreamt that Fiance and I were camping in another country. I don't know which one but it felt like New Zealand because my boss, the Kiwi, eventually was there. Wherever we were, a rhinoceros appeared and it sprayed our tent because it though our tent was another male rhinoceros. It was going to attack so we had to run out the back of the tent. Then all of a sudden we were in another tent in another area. And my boss was having a meeting somewhere near because I saw him, but he didn't see me. While Fiance and I were in the tent Scope Man, the member of my committee who I do microscope with, was trying to look through, not in, but through our tent with a new portable microscope he had. I saw him and yelled at him. I demanded to know what he was doing and he said if I would let him publish his data then he would tell me. Then I woke up.

I know. I'm pretty sure I need some help. I'm not even gonna try and figure out where that one came from. But my dreams about work are getting weirder and weirder. Anyone else have really odd dreams about work?

Another meme to distract me!

I've been tagged by Dr. Brazen Hussy. She tagged me awhile ago but I've finally gotten to it. Sorry it took so long!

The Four Things Meme

Four Jobs I Have Had In My Life:
Roller skating rink guard and concession stand person (that counts as two)
Student office assistant
Wild animal keeper

Four Places I Have Lived:
Really really small town, Central Pennsylvania
Close-to-bad-part-of-city apartment building, Pittsburgh
Closer-to-bad-part-of-city townhouse, Pittsburgh
Relatively peaceful almost suburb apartment, Pittsburgh


Four of my favorite foods:
Pasta and sauce (any pasta with some kind of marinara sauce)
Sushi (eel especially)
Shrimp (cocktail, scampi, steamed, grilled, etc.)
Waffles and gravy (my grandma's version with chicken)

Four Places I’d rather be right now:
Private campsite near my hometown
Bed
Wildlife Refuge in the Ozark Mountains, Arkansas
My parent's house

Four movies I can watch over and over:
The Muppet's Christmas Carol
Speed
The Prince of Egypt
Dante's Peak

Four TV shows I like to watch:
CSI (Las Vegas, the original)
Bones
The Closer
Saving Grace

Four websites I visit daily:
Weight Watchers
Bloglines
Twitter
iGoogle

Four early musical influences:
Bon Jovi
Madonna
Def Leppard
Chicago

Four Computers I’ve Owned:
Compaq laptop (can't remember what kind)
Dell Desktop (ditto)
Dell Inspiron 600m



I tag:

Geeka507
Kelly
Jenny F. Scientist
mrswhatsit

(See Geeka, I resisted the urge to tag you. So you don't feel obligated to do it!)

To Steamed Puddings

Kelly,

I think I'm doing something wrong on your site. When I leave comments I do it under the anonymous setting since I don't have an account with any of the ones where you can log in. I don't think you've been getting them. Let me know what to do to leave comments. I replied to that wonderful post that mentions all the different websites you found.

Thanks!

Perverse satisfaction

After yesterday's episode, FD informed me that LB's flow staining that he did yesterday didn't work. He used several antibodies and all he got was autoflorescent background tails.

So sad. I can be spiteful, I know it's wrong, but sometimes he gets me to the point where I just don't care.

I'm going to bop him in the head

He pushes my buttons, I admit it. He just plain pisses me off when he speaks. So it is just compounded when he's speaking to me and arguing about my methods.

Our poor lab tech Ding is trying to learn too many things at one time. She getting the procedures confused and mixed up and she knows it. But the Kiwi wants her to learn everything as fast as possible all at the same time. LB is teaching her a couple things, one of which FD and I are going to have to reteach her, namely flow. But she's trying to do flow and elispots at the same time. She offered to work late tonight to get it all done so the work she's doing fits into his schedule. He's not the one with a 2 month old baby to take care. He's not the one with 10,000 things to learn in two weeks. So I told her if she wants to do the flow staining tomorrow she can. Just fix the cells, put them in the fridge, and stain them tomorrow. It will be fine, she's only doing CD14 staining.

LB stood there and told her it was a bad idea. I told him it's perfectly fine. He told her it isn't. Notice he's talking about what I said, disagreeing, to her not me. Which pissed me off even more. Then he said it's "bad practice." I almost decked him and called him a f#$% a$%^hole right there. I said I do it all the time, my stuff is fine. He told her it's bad practice. I finally looked at Ding and said both procedures are perfectly fine, it just depends on what you're doing and what antigen you are looking at. Neither way is wrong and neither way is bad practice. Then I walked out.

I am soooo pissed I'm shaking. I know he shouldn't upset me so much but he's an arrogant bastard. Someone who leaves antibodies on for 2 hours to overnight so his staining looks better, who counts background as events, who doesn't even have the appropriate controls needs to keep his mouth shut and learn from someone who does it all the time. FD called me a flow guru, it's true, I need to calm down.

But I really want to hit him. He better not speak to me again. That's the first time since the email episode awhile back (part 1, part 2)and all he does is act like an a#$%hole.

I tried to stay dry

Yesterday I had a lot of computer work to do. The weather was crappy so I figured I'd stay home and work until the rain let up a bit. I didn't want to stand at the bus stop in the pouring rain. So I waited, it slowed, I went to work fairly dry.

Then I went home. FD and I caught the bus at the same time (we live near each other) and the sky was clear - it was cloudy but wasn't raining.

The closer we got to home the weather rapidly changed. The sky got darker, the wind picked up, rain started to fall, then rain started to POUR. I mean a torrential downpour. It wasn't lightening though, until I commented that at least it wasn't lightening. FD wanted to hit me, he's a strong believer in Murphy's Laws.

I had an umbrella but it didn't do much good, it kept my bag fairly dry. And thank goodness Fiance bought me a raincoat a couple weeks ago. There really was no point in running because I had to go several blocks, so I would be just as wet walking. Running actually splashed the water more. I had three streets to cross and the water was just rushing down them. On both sides of the road water ran about 3 feet wide and several inches deep, more than enough to go over my shoes. There was no avoiding it. And water pooled on the sidewalks.

So, point of the post - even though I stayed dry in the morning I made up for it in the afternoon. My only pair of sneakers are still wet today, it was like I dunked them in a bucket of water. Here is what I looked like when I got home. The water soaked the whole way up to my shirt. Admittedly, I'm only 5'3'', but that's still pretty high.

A computer-free weekend

I actually managed to relax and stay away from the computer all weekend. I thought about email, thought about blogging, but managed to not log on, not even turn on a computer until right before I'm climbing in bed tonight.

Fiance and I decided to take on a new hobby/recreation. As you can see from my profile and am a country girl temporarily stuck in the city, but slowly getting out. I moved out of the near center of the city to a more suburban area. I just need to keep moving out, even though I do like the neighborhood I'm in now it's not the same as having no neighbors and no traffic sounds.

Back to the hobby - it's camping. Camping is something I've never done but always wanted to. Don't ask me how a country girl made it all her life without camping but I did. I just wasn't something my family did on the farm. We lived in the countryside, so why did we need to go out into it at night. Also a major contributing factor - my mom hates it. Fiance and I thought that it would be a relatively cheap thing to do on the weekends to get away from things. Yes, there are initial expenses that we splurged on for the gear, but at this time of year we got almost everything for over 50% off. And after the initial purchases the most common expense is food and batteries.

In a week I'm going camping with my sister and her boyfriend. In the past year it is something my sister has taken up and she is actually excited about camping with us. This means a lot to me because her and I are two years apart, she's younger. And we never really got along. However, we get a long much better that we live in separate houses. We may have actually found something that we both can do together.

This weekend Fiance and I decided to test the new equipment in a more 'controlled' environment. I wanted to make sure everything worked before we went out into the middle of the woods. I envisioned the tent collapsing or something. So we camped in my parents' backyard, that way if anything happened we could go inside. I know what you're thinking, it's not really camping if you're in a backyard, but you don't know our backyard. There is a small woods lining the property and acres of farmland, and no other houses are visible from the back. And all sorts of wildlife traverses through it. We commonly have raccoons, deer, skunks, sometimes opossums. Bears have even been spotted, not just wandering through the yard but tearing down bird feeders attached to the house. So even though it's in a yard it's still an experience. And what's nice about it is that we get to visit with my parents and still have time to ourselves outside.

So after watching the first half of the Steeler game we went outside. Fiance had a nice fire going with wood that my dad got from my uncle. We must have spent an hour just sitting there, listening to the sounds of the forest, staring at the fire. Looking into the flames is very hypnotizing. Though I must admit that a few times lab popped into my head and I had to force it out. It was so nice in the tent all night because it was like being in the center of a sound spa. I have a sound spa by my bed that I listen to every night to try and distract me from the noises outside, and also to drown out ringing in my ears. It was just fabulous to have it in stereo!

Everything worked fairly well except it rained pretty good during the night. Which actually turned out to be a good thing. The tent leaked. It wasn't a bad leak, it's not like we were swimming in water when we woke up, but there were small drops of water that had collected in tiny puddles. Water had leaked in through the seam above the leak guard on the door. I'm going to see if I can take it back since it's the first time we've used it, if not, it's a Coleman guaranteed for 5 years and they will either fix it or replace it.

What matters is we had a good time, relaxed, and got out of the city. I can't wait to go again!

Lots of things

So much has happened in the past couple days that I have a lot to write about. But I'm going to have to save that for the weekend, highlights include; working in Geeka's office, I processed my samples in another lab, dealing with the Center manager, my friend and classmate defended and passed, the celebration dinner.

But, I either have a 24 hours bug or I ate something bad last night. I woke up sick around 4am this morning, barely made it to the bathroom. But I had to be at work by noon. I wanted to prepare for the meeting tomorrow but felt so bad and had such trouble focusing I accomplished nothing, I could have jus stayed home. I'm going to get up early and do it tomorrow, hopefully I'll feel better. I don't have a choice, I have to get up and go.

My head, neck, and shoulders hurt. My throat hurts from getting sick. And food still makes me nauseous. I'm going to bed to try and sleep.

Funding issues

Soooo, those of you have been reading know that the Kiwi stopped funding me at the end of April. In September, the Center was supposed to take over my funding, as well as Mo's funding. According to Mo, who just talked to the financial person in our department, that's not the case. The head of the Center, and the head of our department, both told Kiwi that he brought students in so we are his responsibility.

I'm a little scared about what this means. Not that he can get rid of me - he can't. But now he will probably revert to extra a-hole man. So, now he has to pay for FD (whose fellowship is ending), Mo, me, and a new post-doc.

Makes me nervous. I'm waiting for something to happen. Now I know I don't want to talk to him Friday at our meeting.

The day started good, at least for a couple hours

Okay, it's only a bit after 9am and this day is off to a bad start. Well, it started out good then went downhill. I only hit the snooze for 20 minutes this morning and I was here by 8am. Right on time. I needed to get my assay set up so I could make to a friend's defense this morning.

From there it went downhill, not steep, but starting to decline. I proceeded to set up my assay this morning, about an hour into it I realized that I made a stupid mistake. I used the old calculations for my reagents, I now add them to the assay differently. I need them at a starting concentration of 1000x. Not 1x. Needless to say - experiment down the tubes.

Next, I went to turn off the centrifuge by my bench since I didn't need it anymore. There, sitting right next to it, was a box that says "REFRIGERATE" all over it in big red letters. It was the antibody I had been waiting for since last Friday. Even though our lab is cold, it's not as cold as a refrigerator. Thankfully, the company said even though the box said 'refrigerate upon arrival' the antibody would be good for about a week at room temperature since they shipped it as a powder.

When I got on my email to send out a gentle reminder to everyone to please pay attention to where packages need to be placed I noticed an email with hood rooms as a subject. From the lab manager so can't be good.

Good morning all! I apologize for the short notice but we need to block off (hood room) tomorrow morning. Electricians are coming to wire the card readers on the doors and hence the doors will be open and therefore no one will be able to work in the hoods. Please plan to move your work to late afternoon.

Forget the fact I already have experiments planned for the morning. I've had them planned for a week now. The girl who is defending is one from my class. We are good friends and she is going back to her hometown Thursday. Who knows if I'll ever see her again. We are having a going away, celebration, you're finally done party tomorrow night. I CAN'T work late. I talked to the lab manager and she said she'll talk to the electricians, so I can either set up my experiment before them or see if they'll finish our hood room first. And I hate talking to her - she has one of those fake smiles, I'll just agree to shut you up smile.

Grrrrrrrrrrr.

Time to get serious

I've had a lot of trouble getting motivated lately. Not that this is something new, but it's been worse than usual. I'm sleeping later and later (today I didn't get up until 12:30pm.) And I'm accomplishing less and less. I'm pretty sure I know why I've been this way but that's for another post.

Today I've decided to "kick myself in the pants." The only way I will ever change my situation is to get moving. Otherwise I'll never get out of this hell hole. So to help motivate myself I'm making a list in a post. This will make me aware that other people know my plans so it will push me to do it. Even though I don't know most of you and will never see you, I think it will still help. So,

1. I will stick to Weight Watchers all the time, not just now and then.
2. I will get up when my alarm clock goes off. I will not turn it off, reset it, or hit snooze for three hours.
3. I will go to bed before midnight, as close to 10pm as possible.
4. I will stick to my planner, meaning I will do experiments I have planned and not put them off until later because I don't feel like doing them.
5. I will not come in on the weekends unless I absolutely have to. I need to make me-time and fiance-time.
6. I will work on my bioterrorism journal article and get it to my true mentor.
7. I will work on my CV and start looking for a job.

Wish me luck. I may not succeed right away on everything but I will do it. Soon.

Hood room woes.

We are having issues with the hood rooms again. Why can't the Center just leave things alone. First the rooms where shut down on Monday to install electronic locks. This was so only people with ID badges with permission to enter the biohazard rooms could gain access. Okay, that makes sense. However, on Tuesday when we came in that's not what happened. There were plastic black knobs where the lock used to be - the actual lock was removed. In its place is this black knob. Now it is impossible to hold anything while opening the door because it takes two hands. With one hand you have twist the black knob, which seems to be spring loaded, hold it in place, and open the door with the other hand. And as for only allowing certain people to enter, there is a huge sign on each door that says, with an arrow, "Turn to open." The lock is also flimsy also. Remember, the whole point was to make the room more secure - I wiggled it, and the lock fell out of the door, in two pieces. It just balances in the door.

There were also new additions on the inside of the room as well. We know have magnetic pipette holders that attach to the hoods. Which was a good idea, except where they placed them. I was, of course, focused on setting up my assay. I slide up the hood shield and Wham! The pipettes go crashing to the floor. And we just had them calibrated a couple days before. They placed the pipettes too low so the shield slammed into them. Another brilliant move.

There were also these plastic acrylic holders stuck to the hood. And I mean stuck! They used super adhesive tape to stick these things on. Can you guess what they are for? Not gloves, which would make sense. They were holders for kim wipes. All of us said the same thing - who the hell uses kim wipes around here in a hood. The only thing we use them for is to clean coverslips and microscope lenses. Which aren't in the hood. The bad part was where they put them. When we sit in the chairs they are above our heads. Mo cracked her head twice, I cracked my head once. The corners are very pointy and hard. It pisses me off, if they want to add things to the room fine. Give them to us to put where we want. They don't use the room, we do. Quit changing things to make it 'better' when they don't even use the place.

Well, I should actually be talking in past tense. The holders are no longer there. I was talking to Geeka about them and how FD, Mo and I were trying to figure out the best way to get them off. She suggested ethanol. Well, Friday evening Mo and I soaked them in ethanol, we used our squirt bottles. After a good dousing and shaking they came off. In pieces. The plastic directly attached to the adhesive is the only thing remaining. The lab manager of the Center will probably be pissed. But she was stupid enough to put them were we would crack our heads. I feel a little guilty at breaking them, because I don't know how much they cost. But boy, was it satisfying to break them.

I wonder if anyone will mention the missing kim wipe holders?

Interesting

Okay, I took this because Geeka507 took it and she was angelic. Which is a bit off, okay more than a bit. (Not in a bad way Geeka507!) I know these surveys are just something fun to do but usually they aren't too far off. This was my score, which sounds more like her. Maybe the scoring is backwards. Not that I'm angelic but I'm not sure what cruel things motivate me, but yes, I do kill bee's that will sting me.

Your Score: Mild

You scored 40 on cruelty!

You're in that wee crowd which we cannot categorize. You enjoy some cruel things, yet aren't completely motivated by it.

Link: The Cruelty Test written by legend1979 on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Look what Geeka got me!

What this means: Geeka and I took a survey one time and she was 2x evil and I was 1x evil.

I'm half the evil of Geeka. Which is the worst kind. You'd never suspect me!

How do you know a student has been gone too long . . .

when the PI has to give him a tour of the lab. Yep, that's right, Kiwi had to give LB a tour of the lab. In the time he's been gone the major changes include the moving of several rooms.

We can no longer use one of our hood rooms, the one designated for a specific infectious disease. The small hood that belonged to my lab was put in the DNA/RNA room while the small hood of the other lab was moved from the general area to where our old hood went.

So we no longer have a DNA/RNA room. Everything in that room is in the aisles of the currently unoccupied benches. Including some of the stuff from the old hood room that doesn't fit in the new smaller room. We still haven't figure out where we are going to put everything. The Center likes to take our space away. Eventually we aren't going to any. Follow all that?

So LB needed a tour. And Kiwi looked happy to do it. While this was going on, FD and I learned what the monkeys feel like at the zoo. In the Pittsburgh zoo the monkeys are behind glass. So people are on the outside looking in at them. FD and I were working in the hood room, with Kiwi and LB talking, smiling, waving their arms, and looking in at us. I felt like I was on display.

It's amazing how someone can show up and immediately put everyone in a bad mood and make the atmosphere change. On a good note, I managed not to actually speak to Kiwi today.

Heat Advisory

This came to my email. Of course, this would happen when the AC goes out:

Issued at: 10:18 AM EDT 8/8/07, expires at: 8:00 PM EDT 8/8/07

heat advisory in effect until 8 pm edt this evening

The NWS in pittsburgh has issued a heat advisory, which is in effect until 8 pm edt this evening. Temperatures will rise to the lower 90s this afternoon. With very humid conditions in place, heat index values will rise to around 100 degrees this afternoon across most of southwest pennsylvania, northern west virginia, and east central ohio.

A heat advisory means that a period of hot temperatures is expected. The combination of hot temperatures and high humidity will combine to create a situation in which heat illnesses are possible. Drink plenty of fluids, stay in an air-conditioned room, stay out of the sun, and check up on relatives and neighbors.

They're baaaack

LB is back. Now I know why. The Kiwi just showed up. He's in his office.

Words can't really express what I feel right now. Hell begins again.

It's hot

Okay, it's not often I complain about the heat. I love hot weather. I'm happy in the 80's, even the 90's. As long as the humidity level is relatively low. I've always been 'cold blooded' as some people who know me love to say. I'm almost always cold. It can be 70 and I'm cold. So when I complain that it's hot and uncomfortable. It is really hot and uncomfortable. The weatherman dude said it actually felt worse here than Las Vegas. Too bad I'm not in Las Vegas, then I wouldn't mind so much.

At work it's freezing. It's a relative new building but they seem to have a problem controlling the air. Everyone walks around in sweaters, coats, and hats. The longer you're there, the colder you get. It gets so bad that it is detrimental to working.

I have central air at home, which we use when it's uncomfortable and humid. Which it has been lately. But it's a temperature I can control so it's not too cold.

But now the AC is broke. So I went from way too cold, to way too hot. The humidity is ridiculous. The cats were melting when we got home with the windows shut. My cat sheds bad enough as it is, now if it's possible, he's shedding more.

One bright light in this weather conundrum - we have a window AC we put in the bedroom window that we bought before central air was installed. The bedroom is now our haven. The only problem with that - the little cat Sophie, likes to ambush my cat Dante from behind the curtain. There will be hissing and screaming all through the night. It's started already.

My internal dialog cont. . .

Procrastinating self: Are you happy? We compromised this weekend.

Ambitious self: Not really, I didn't come in Saturday, I came in Sunday, but I didn't do any of my own work. I did work for other people.

Procrastinating self: So what? At least you did work. And it turned out great.

Ambitious self: But had I looked at my own slides on Sunday I would have known my antibodies didn't work. I don't know why, they've always worked before. I wasn't expecting that.

Procrastinating self: It wouldn't have changed anything. The slides still look the same today as they would have on Sunday.

Ambitious self: I could have repeated the experiment before my meeting on Friday with the Kiwi.

Procrastinating self: No you couldn't. You're working on other stuff.

Ambitious self: I'm getting stuff done but not what I should be getting done. At least not what would make my boss happy.

Procrastinating self: He's never happy so it doesn't matter what you do.

Ambitious self: I don't need to hand him a reason though.

My new camera

I want to thank everyone for their advice on a digital camera. I wanted to let you know what I got and give my 'official review.' I got the Cannon SD85o IS.

Here are the major good points:

• very fast shutter speed
• excellent pictures in dim indoor lighting
• nice design, small but still easy to hold
• good manual controls
• several scene modes

Here are the major bad points:

• having trouble getting the software for the camera on the computer to work properly
• can't use macro mode, wide angle with flash, the barrel of the camera creates a shadow

Conclusion: I'm going to keep it. The macro mode thing really, really annoys me. But I'm very critical of digital images. I have to take into account what I bought the camera for. An everyday use camera to carry around in my purse to use at social functions, vacations, and stuff like that. I have to remember that I didn't buy it for flash macro images - how often would I do that anyway.

So, Image Goddess rating: four out of five stars

I can take good images

I took some microscope images for Geeka yesterday and she looked at them today. She liked them, they were what she wanted.

It's nice to have someone say that my images are "awesome," instead of, "those are nice, but we want you to do XXX instead." Too bad she's not on my committee.

That's me.

Your Score

You scored: Linear B

You are Linear B. Even those who can follow you think you're all Greek to them. Which, after all, is true - Linear B being the first known text for written Greek. To most people, you're incomprehensible. But what do you care? You're tough, hard, long-enduring and have greater nobility than most. Naturally, you don't admit to borrowing extensively from your brother Linear A.

Link: The Which Ancient Language Are You Test written by imipak on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

My Internal Dialog

Ambitious Self: I really need to work this Saturday and Sunday.

Procrastinating Self: Yeah, but you've been so tired lately you need to take a day off.

Ambitious Self: But the Kiwi has been gone for two weeks and expects me to have a lot done for our 2 hour meeting next Friday.

Procrastinating Self: Okay, work Saturday but take Sunday off. You need at least one day.

Ambitious Self: But the stupid Center is shutting down the hoods on Monday so I can't do an experiment, so I should work Sunday.

Procrastinating Self: So what, that's not your fault. You can use that day to work on the figures the Kiwi wants you to have done for next Friday.

Ambitious Self: Hmm, you have a good point. I haven't made time for that yet - but I can't work on the figures if I don't have the experiments completed. I could work on them during my incubation periods.

Procrastinating Self: You always say that but it never happens. Your incubation times are too short for you to accomplish anything, and your experiments are too long.

Ambitious Self: But it's a TWO hour meeting. I need to have a lot of stuff to show him.

Procrastinating Self: It doesn't matter how much you have. He won't be happy with it anyway.

Ambitious Self: I really should work on Sunday.

Procrastinating Self: You know you won't. Just face it, stay home, sleep in.

Ambitious Self: But I'll feel guilty for not getting done what I need to get done.

Procrastinating Self: So what.

Ambitious Self: Why should I listen to you? It's your fault I don't have this stuff done already. I haven't done much the past week and a half the Kiwi's been gone. If I hadn't listened to you all this stuff would be done by now and I wouldn't be in this predicament.

Procrastinating Self: You work best under pressure.

Ambitious Self: I really should work Sunday.

Procrastinating Self: We'll see.

Ambitious Self: Yeah, We'll see.

To be continued . . .. . .

I'll agree with this.

This is probably why Geeka and I get along so well.

Your Score: Dr. Lisa Cuddy

50% Eccentricity, 45% Confidence, 60% Kindness

Congratulations, you're Dr. Lisa Cuddy! You've got a healthy balance of confidence, kindness, and general oddity (because asking a person who works for you to stick a needle in your butt is odd, no matter how hot he may be). You're probably an excellent leader with a good sense of humor. You also probably have a vulnerable side that not many people know about.

Link: The House, MD Personality Test written by freedomdegrees on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Digital camera advice?

Okay, so I'm extremely anal when shopping for something expensive or that I would consider an investment. I've been saving money up for compact digital camera and now I have enough. But I'm having trouble decided between three of them:

1. Sony Cybershot DSC-T100
2. Canon SD1000
3. Canon PowerShot SD850 IS

If anyone has used any of these cameras can you let me know how you like it. I'm looking for one with a short shutter lag, takes good quality pictures in outdoor and indoor lighting, and is compact. All of these seem to fit the bill and I can't make up my mind. I know I'm obsessing a bit much but I know that I'll have this for a long, long time and want to get the right one.

Any input? I know the chances are slim that anyone actually has one of these since there are so many out there but I had to ask.

I'm back

Well, almost, to the regular schedule thing. I've been putting off doing regular work for awhile. I'm not sick anymore, still coughing because of my pain-in-the-butt asthma but oh well. I can't use illness as a reason not to do work. Lately, it's been easy to come up with reasons not to do work. I know I'm getting burned out but now it's time to go back.

It's not so bad really. The kiwi boss man is gone on a holiday. Won't be back until the second week in August. And LB is on a month's long vacation. On one had, we are all pissed because he can take all the time he wants off. On the other hand, he's not here, which is great. So right now it's not so bad going to work. We don't mind it as much because the two people in the lab (Kiwi and LB) are gone. And no, they aren't on vacation together.

Some updates:

• Ding is back from maternity leave.
• I'm finally going to get my name on a paper, other than a review. I did some microscope work for Mo.
• Had lunch with my class, all the people who came in the same time as me. But that will be another post, lots of issues there.
• Started golf lessons. A reason to get out on the weekend, instead of sleep or work. And I must say, I did awesome!
• My tomato garden is really taking off. Blossoms are starting to show.
• I get to start working on my first author paper. I have to have the layout of my figures worked out for when Kiwi comes back.

Other than that, not too much has been going on. It's been really slow around here.

It's nice to be back blogging! Now I have to catch up on reading my favorites.

Safety measures, yeah right

So I mentioned that we had a Center wide meeting, that lasted 10 minutes, about the tissue culture rooms. I want to reiterate how stupid and pointless this meeting was.

Right now there are two hood rooms, my lab brought over three hoods with two in one room and one in another room. The room with one hood we can no longer use. It has been designated "infectious aerosol virus" room. One of the other labs works with a virus that can infect people via inhalation. A bad virus. So they now have that hood room to themselves.

The safety level is designated BSL2+, which for those of you not familiar, this uses the safety precautions of BSL3 lab in a BSL2 environment. The important thing to note here is that there are NO double doors. There is no double entry. The way it should be for this virus is when they are done working with it, they leave the hood room into an intermediate room, remove their PPE, then leave that room into the outside environment. This way the risk of virus escaping the room is minimal.

Of course, that's ideal. And the brand new facility isn't exactly ready to work with viruses like this. There is no double room. The instructions are that when they are working on this virus they must wear their PPE, including and N95 respirator and post a sign on the outside of the door. When finished, they take off their respirators, leave the room, and set a timer on the door for 30 minutes. It takes 30 minutes for the virus to dissipate from the air and it will be safe to enter the room without a respirator. That is the exact order.

Think about this - remove the respirator then leave the room. What point is there in that. And not permit anyone in the room for 30 min. It's unsafe for 30 minutes, yet they can immediately open the door when they are done to the outside environment. Technically, they should have to stay in that room for 30 min with their respirator on, then take their respirator off, then leave the room.

Oh, the respirators are also supposed to be stored outside the room in the hallway. Because the lab manager said that there should be no infectious virus in the respirator. Wait a minute - am I missing something? Isn't the respirator supposed to block virus from being inhaled? Meaning there is a good likelihood there is virus on the filter?

So, in this 10 minute meeting - we learned the "proper and safe" way to utilize the new room when infectious virus is in use. Boy, I feel safe.

Time to go back

Tomorrow I have to go back to start experiments again. I have a meeting with my boss that I've managed to put off until Friday but I don't have much done. I have this underlying sense of anxiety because I know I should have A LOT done by now. But on the other hand, I just don't care. One reason I've had such a hard time getting back to work is because of the type of experiments I have to do. They can last up to 12-14 hours, and I can't shorten them. Which is long enough to work everyday but seems virtually impossible lately since I've been sick.

The problem I'm having is that this cold has bothered my asthma. I had a cold like this a few years ago, where even after the cold was gone I had lingering asthma problems for weeks. And I know that this is one of the same colds. I'm still not completely better but I'm sooo tired because I'm not sleeping. As soon as I start to fall asleep I cough and wake up. I don't know how I'm going to make it through the day tomorrow.

I went to work yesterday for a little bit. We had a Center meeting for all the postdocs, research associates, and grad students about the tissues cultures rooms. I was so pissed because the meeting lasted less than 10 minutes. They spend more time talking about why there was fruit instead of cookies at the seminars instead of the tissue culture rooms. I was actually happy there was fruit but apparently, fat and sugar is what people want. As someone said, the cookies keep people coming, as you know, compared to the person giving the seminar.

I stayed home today because I was so tired. Also I had the excuse that all over the news they kept saying that the air quality was extremely bad today and those people with lung conditions and the elderly should stay inside. I would have had an even harder time breathing.

But it's supposed to rain tonight and the air is supposed to be better tomorrow. I know I'll be exhausted but I need to go anyway. I keep telling myself that my boss is going on vacation on the 20th. If I can last that long I'll take time off if I still need it. I also can't help thinking that LB is taking a months vacation, so why the heck should I feel guilty taking time off when I'm sick.

Made it to work

I did make it to work today to process my blood so I have cells to work with next week. It almost wasn't worth it though because my yield was terrible. I got enough for about 1 1/2 experiments. Which I guess is better than nothing.

I'm finally starting to feel a slight improvement. My appetite is good, I'm not coughing as much, and I can talk now, even if I sound like a frog. I just wish I wasn't so tired. It's still giving me problems with my asthma, though. I've been wheezing a bit which is why I'm coughing now. I couldn't get my allergy shots this week because they won't give them to me if I'm wheezing.

My fiance cooked on the grill this evening. It was beautiful outside. The sun was setting, we were in the shade, and a breeze was blowing. The only thing that would have made it better would have been if we were out in the countryside, not on the edge of the city.

I'm looking forward to this weekend, the weather is supposed to be nice and I'm going to rest a lot. Tomorrow my cousin is having a graduation party back home but I decided just to send a card. I need to rest and the drive is about 2 hours each way. He won't mind. I'll still send him money in a card!

I hate summer colds

So I've been sick. The symptoms started last Wednesday. I was going home Friday for the 4th of July (since it was on a Wednesday we celebrated on the weekend, it was easier for everyone). I know when a bad cold is coming on and I just knew. So I called my doctor on Thursday for a prescription, yes, I know, antibiotics don't help when it's a virus. But the past few times I haven't had any luck in getting rid of it without help, so I wanted to hit it before it came on hard. Well, I didn't get the prescription until Saturday morning, actually two, amoxicillen and hydrocodone for the cough but it was too late. It already hit me hard. I had no voice, was exhausted, and coughed a lot. It was bothering my asthma.

Unfortunately, I'm still sick. The only thing I could keep down yesterday was some broth and that wasn't until late in the evening. As a result, I've missed a lot of work, the end of last week and ALL of this week. What compounds it is that the week prior I didn't get anything done because the cytometer was broken and I had to toss my cells because of an unwanted virus infection. I've lost half a month. I wanted a break but not this way. This isn't rejuvenating. Pardon my language, but this just sucks. The amoxicillin is useless and the hydrocodone works to stop the coughing but it makes me feel 'funny.' Now that I'm pressured to get a lot done to graduate I can't afford to take this much time off. I was only able to drag myself to work to process blood so I have cells to do experiments.

I'm starting to feel extremely discouraged, more than usual. I remember two months ago I was telling my parents that I should be done with experiments by the end of June. Before that we were hoping I'd graduate in June, then it was moved to the end of summer, now it is moved to early fall. I feel like I'm running out of time. What if I can't get done by December? I have no choice because Kiwi isn't paying for me anymore, the department is. The reality didn't hit until I received confirmation of my registration for the fall.

I'm not even to the point where I can write yet. My boss doesn't even want me to work on a publication yet. I'm starting to, as geeka puts it "falling into a deep pit of despair."

Supplies in

Little things make me happy. Today I got a new timer. Yes, my old timer could time four different things at the same time, and this one can only do one. But I've dropped my old one too many times, trying to carry too much stuff at once and rushing around. If I move it wrong or set it on the desk too hard it resets. I have lost track of too many experiments too many times. The way I see it, I can still use my old one for multiple timing, I'll just leave in on my bench and not touch it. The time that will go off first I'll use my new one. It's great! It's super thin, the buttons are covered by flip top, and it's like a key chain so I can clip it to my jeans.

I also got a new stand for the biohazard bag by my desk. Because of the way the labs were organized when we moved we were one stand short. So our old lab manager ordered a new one but it was the wrong size. I've been sharing with LB. Who NEVER changes the bag. Not that he does that much work. But when he does he fills the bag with blue diapers. I will not take out his crap. He'll fill it until it's ready to overflow. So now I have my own. I put the old one by his bench.

There are benefits to having to place orders while Ding is gone.

I also ordered boxes of biohazard bags for each hood room and where the benches are located. We aren't supposed to be taking things out of each of the BSL2+ rooms but we have been because we don't have enough stuff. I got tired of it and ordered more. And those boxes are heavy! So I took them all to the hood rooms, even ripped off the top of the boxes for easy access, with my bare hands because scissors could not be found. They seem to have walked away. Anyway, while I'm moving all this stuff, the boss sticks his head in the hood room and says "You're getting a good workout today," like I don't do anything any other time. I just stared at him. Yes, I can do manual labor. Does he see anyone else doing it around here? Even with a bad shoulder and possibly a broken finger I'm still doing it. So he can get that stupid grin off his face. I thought he was going to yell at me for not gowning up in the room and wearing sandals. Because he did look at my feet. But noooo, all he commented on was that I was doing manual labor.

My first meme

This is my first meme. I've been tagged by Dr. Brazen Hussy who lately has been posting really cute kitten pictures.

Rules

• I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
• Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
• People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
• At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
• Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog

Random Facts

1. I've gone swimming with a tiger cub. One the most memorable moments of my life.


2. I love fresh tomatoes, especially out of the garden. I love tomato sauce. But I don't like chunks of tomatoes in my tomato sauce. I think it's because I don't like stewed tomatoes and cooked chunks of tomatoes are too much like stewed tomatoes. Is that weird?


3. I always wanted an older brother, but that wasn't going to happen.


4. I like to cross-stitch, draw, and paint.


5. I just bought a new set of golf clubs, ones that are the right size. The first set I bought were too long, I didn't know any better. And the dude at Dick's who sold them to me obviously knew nothing. Never buy golf clubs from Dick's.


6. Hardwood floors are nice but I miss carpet. Carpet catches cat hair so I don't have cat hair tumbleweeds blowing across the floor. Right after it's been swept.


7. My real hair color is brown.


8. I've been in school since preschool. I've never taken time off. Summers don't count.

Now, I'm supposed to tag 8 people but the problem is I haven't been surfing the blogs long enough to know that many people to tag. So, I think I'm just going to randomly pick people from the blogroll's of people I do know! Ones that I've been reading on and off. Hopefully they won't mind and I'm not breaking some blog etiquette. If they feel like doing it fine, if not, that's okay too.

Here we go - Geeka507, Kisha, ScienceGeek, Am I a woman scientist?, Profgrrrrl, The PhD Explosion, A Natural Scientist, and YoungFemaleScientist. Have fun!

Random updates

As I'm sitting here waiting for my timer to go off, I realize that during the time I was MIA on my blog a few things of note have happened.

• Ding, our lab tech (our ONLY lab tech) had her baby early. Only a couple weeks early so the baby was fine. Our boss was going to visit her but never got around to it. She lives near me so I'm going to deliver her a care package. I wanted to give her some time to settle in with the baby first before I came barging in.


• My boss got a puppy. Just what he needs. Now he leaves early to take the puppy out. He really should be a stay-at-home parent. He doesn't balance family very well with work. Not well at all. His wife wears the pants in the family so he has to work around her schedule. Right now she's gone to a conference or something back in his home country - and left him behind. Hee-hee!


• He hired a post-doc. Our mission to thwart him has failed. Mainly because we never met this one, neither has he. Kiwi doesn't have enough money to bring the post-doc for a visit (he's in another country) so he hired him sight-unseen. Great, just great. He's not coming until the fall so I hope I'm gone by the time he gets here.

I know there's more but beep-beep-beep, I have to go.

Another reason to get done

Geeka will appreciate this. So will Geeka507.

I decided today that I need to get done before I permanently injure myself or break something. Again. I wore a dark purple shirt today. When I got to work only then did I realize that it matched my finger. About the only thing I can do with my finger that doesn't cause pain is type, because the end of it is kind of numb.

I have cut myself with a broken coverslip, cracked my head off an incubator door, gotten an unidentifiable rash on my arm, gotten blisters on my toes, and smashed my finger. And this is just in the past few weeks. You don't want to know what's happened in the past few years. It seems the longer I am a grad student the more that is happening to me.

It is extremely difficult to remove pipettes from rappers, uncap reagents and flasks, and so forth when I can't use my pointer finger. And I have to be careful because I'm working in the hood with blood and everything has to remain sterile.

So now that I'm done with blood I quit. No more today. I have microscopy data to analyze and more experiments to plan but I'm not going to do it. I'm going home. Before something else happens because I can't work properly.

I'm starting to wonder if I'm cursed. Or if there is a grad student curse. The longer a student seems to remain a student I notice the more physical ailments they have. And it's not just me!

Typing with one hand.

So this is the end of a completely unproductive work day. I got up early this morning, as mentioned in the previous post so I could get work done and go home early. Now I get to go home early with no work done.

Earlier today I went to sign up for the flow cytometer. A technician was performing a tune-up with the machine wide-open. I able to see the sign-up sheet but not reach it. I couldn't get on until 6pm. I was going to leave a note on the computer to sign me up when the tech was done but didn't have time because the fire alarm went off and evacuation of the building was ordered.

I went back later to write my name in so the last person wouldn't turn the machine off. The rep was still working on the cytometer. I had baaad feelings. So I went to track down the people who are in charge of the machine to see what was going on. When I went in their office the large, heavy, I repeat heavy, metal door smashed closed on my finger. The end of my pointer finger is now red and purple and almost twice the size it should be. I'm keeping it in ice to try a stop the swelling. It doesn't bend properly. I can't use it very well.

So not only is my finger smashed, my experiment is ruined. All my cells and time have gone to waste. I'm more pissed about the time. I have to run the cells the same day as I run the experiment or they aren't any good. So I've just completely wasted a day.

Maybe I should just forget about my good intentions of getting up early to get work done and get home early. It just backfired.

I'm going home.

An explanation

I feel like I need to explain why I haven't posted in such a long time. It's not because interesting, ridiculous things haven't been happening. Many times I have thought "Damn, this would be a great post" or "I can't wait to talk about this!" But alas, experiments have gotten the best of me lately.

I feel like I have been getting up, going to lab, working, going home, sleeping, then repeating the same cycle over and over again. With some eating here and there. Actually, it didn't just feel that way, it was that way. On the weekends when I finally had some time to relax and spend with family (both cats & people) I couldn't bring myself to turn my computer on. One reason was I can't seem to turn it on without checking my email. I didn't want to check my email because I didn't want to hear from work. The only weekend I actually got on my computer was when I went home to my parents house for my dad's birthday/father's day. I needed to show him somethings on my computer - and dial-up is so slow at home that I didn't bother logging on.

Here is an illustration of how slow the Internet connection is. And it isn't because DSL has spoiled me. They live so far off the main line it is verrrry slow. A program that took me 7 minutes to download at my apartment took over 4 hours. It was sooo frustrating because we got my dad an iPod nano and I was trying to download iTunes. He couldn't use it until I got the software. Then we had to format it for a Windows computer, which it wouldn't even do because it took so long the program would timeout. I had to bring it back with me and it literally took less than a minute to do at work. Now I have to go back this coming weekend to return his iPod and teach him how to use it.

So today I renew my commitment to write. It also helps that I could have actually been home by 6:30pm this evening. But nooooo. I couldn't get on the cytometer until after 6pm. I'll be lucky if I'm home by 8pm.

My volume is dirty.

This is a new one for me. I turned my computer on and it told me that my volume is dirty, okay, the exact words were "the volume is dirty." It then proceeded to go through several checks. I'm still not exactly sure what it was doing. It was eerily similar to the 'blue screen of death.' But a different screen, and a different blue.

It sounds funny just saying it - my volume is dirty.

Reasons why I hate today

• I stabbed my finger with a broken coverslip. FD extracted it but it hurts to do anything. I can't wear a band aid because I can't get the glove over it. It is still bleeding because I'm using it. And throbbing.
• It is now pouring outside. A downpour. Mo jinxed me, she said it was no longer supposed to rain today. Now I have to walk down the street to pick up my blood to process. I told her I should make her do it.
• I put the wrong antibody on my slides. Last night I blocked my slides with a Fab fragment before adding the second primary antibody which is the same species as the first primary antibody. I put on the first secondary again. So I just washed it and added the second primary without blocking again. It better work.
• I don't have time to analyze my data before my lab meeting tomorrow. Because I messed up the slide procedure it took twice as long as it should have.
• It's freezing in here. We now have to wear lab coats all the time but I'm wearing a sweater instead, the coat is too thin.
• I'm starving. I don't know if it's because of the long hours I've been working but I've been ravenous these past couple days.
• The air conditioner is confirmed broken at home. And since we have to close the windows because of the rain it is going to be very uncomfortable. Once I finally make it home.
• I have a sore spot on my head from where it collided with the incubator door yesterday, rather hard I might add.
• I'm tired.

Update:

• This is the punishment I get for multi-tasking. I had three flow assays for today. One completely stained on Tuesday. One fixed yesterday and stained today. One fixed and stained today. While I was transferring the cells from the 96-well plates to the FACS tubes I put one of my positives controls in the tube of another experiment's controls. I don't know if I'll be able to salvage them. At least I didn't screw up the really big experiment from today. Yet.
• At this rate maybe I'll be home by 1am only to be back here at 7:30am to finish processing blood before the necropsy samples arrive. Maybe I can talk my boss into moving our 3pm meeting to Monday so I can go home and sleep.
• I'm still tired.

Slurp, sigh, pause

There is the older Indian guy that works on our floor. I don't know who is and I don't really care. All I know is - he's odd and rude. He cuts people off to get through doors first. He walks past people like they don't exist. And he has crazy hair, long white roots with tan/brown ends. Very distinctive. I asked Mo if I talked about that Indian dude with the funky hair did she know who I meant and she knew right away.

Anyway, I finally had time to eat lunch around 2:30pm. The first break all day and since it was so late I had the break room all to myself. It is a corner room with windows for walls. We are on one the higher floors so there is a wonderful view. The sun was shining, I was trying to read. Then here comes this guy who fills a paper cup with water from the sink to drink. Guess the water from the fountain wasn't good enough. Then he walked over to the windows, stood beside me and proceeded to slurp his water. Slurp, sigh, pause - slurp, sigh, pause. It drove me nuts! I just stared at him, but he never turned around. I would have said something but I had pretty much finished my lunch and my timer was going to go off anyway. He probably would have ignored me anyway.

I can still hear the slurping in my head. Slurp, sigh, pause - slurp, sigh, pause.

Thought I would have been lower than that

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very High
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Moderate
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Moderate
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Preparing to write, but not yet writing

So this week I went to a class on how to format my dissertation into the electronic format our university wants. It was a class with various people from different fields. I have to wonder how some people are able to earn their degrees. Some of the questions made me want to bang my head against the desk. I even had to instruct the instructor on how to do certain things when he couldn't answer a question. Sometimes I wonder if I'm in the wrong field because I always seem to be doing computer stuff. I pick up on things very quickly. I've been asked several times if that is my major. I think though that this is a side effect of our field. We have to learn how to use computers. It's how we analyze data, it's how we write, it's how we research. We can't escape them and sometimes they are the bane of our existence.

Anyway, I'm getting off topic. I found myself becoming very anxious during the class and that took me by surprise. The reality of having to write. If I'm going to be done by the end of summer I need to start but I don't know how. My aims aren't even finalized. I have no publications thanks to my boss. I'm starting to feel a lot of anxiety.

Lately I've even begun to doubt myself. Do I know enough to write a dissertation? Do I know enough to defend myself to a bunch of men with Ph.D.'s who think they know all? None of my committee meetings have gone very well. I often find myself thinking "You've got to be kidding me," in response to several, well, most of their comments. I'm starting to doubt whether I can do this. If I had a publication under my belt I would feel better. Also if I had a boss who supported me and was actually paying for me I'd feel better. I'm under all this pressure to finish, finish, finish. Not because I'm ready but because the money has run out. The department is now paying my stipend but I don't know how long they are going to be willing to do that. The boss is stopping Mo's funding at the end of August, and it looks like both her and I will have to register for the Fall semester because we may not be able to defend until September. That means the department will be covering both of us.

I'm just starting to freak out and I haven't even started writing yet. I worried that when I start writing I will find that I don't have enough. It would be much easier if I had solid aims but with every meeting my aims keep changing. Even in my April meeting which was supposed to be my last. It ended with no consensus on what needed to be done. Another time I will have to talk about that meeting because I still get pissed when I think about it.

And if I'm going to be done in a few months I need to start looking for a job. I don't know what to do about that. It's hard for me to make myself look when I don't even know when I'll be done.

I couldn't even make myself go to the other electronic dissertation class that was on Thursday. I told myself what is the point because by the time I write I will forget everything they tell me.

It's just for the second time in my doctoral student career I'm doubting my capabilities. I don't like it when I'm like this. The last time was when my boss almost broke me and it actually popped in my head that maybe I should quit with a master's just to get the hell out of here. It's not like me to doubt myself like that or let other people put me down. I don't like what this place is doing to me as a person. I'm grouchy, often depressed, cynical, and a lot of times rude. That's not me, I'm normally happy, optimistic, outgoing but I'm finding it harder and harder to be that way. I need to get out of here before this place, this program sucks the life completely out of me.

Might be an experiment free week

So I'm still pissed at LB, he sent me an email saying several things, among which I am now "discourteous" and ended the email with 'have a pleasant weekend.' Not to mince words, I wanted to rip his passive aggressive, arrogant, stupid face off. I was once accused of being passive aggressive, so he's also a hypocrite. And as anyone who knows me can tell you, I can be aggressive (or I like to say assertive) and definitely I'm never passive.

Anyway, there is a necrospy tomorrow. Well, I guess today because his monkey is too sick to last until Friday. It's his own fault his monkey's are dying so fast. I was tempted to run 5 minutes late again, this time on purpose just to piss him off. Instead I decided why should I get up early to get done before the samples get there. I no longer do experiments on Fridays that have necropsy's. Why should Mondays be any different? Should I feel guilty using the necropsy as an excuse not to work? I don't think so. And to be perfectly honest, I didn't do the proper prep work for Monday so I'd have to get there waaay too early to be done by 11am.

On the downside, my entire week is pretty much shot before it gets started.

Monday: no experiments, analyze data, using necropsy as an excuse.

Tuesday: no experiments, have to attend a class on how to write an electronic dissertation. And set up for Wednesday.

Wednesday: process blood, maybe do experiment I set up the day before. Haven't decided if I should go to the newly scheduled department meeting. If I do, my day is shot.

Thursday: probably no experiments this day either, promised a master's student I would attend her exam practice because she didn't pass it the first time. Normally I skip these things but Kdog suggested she talk to me and she actually asked me personally instead of just sending me an email. I feel obligated to help.

Friday: blood in morning, and yet another necropsy, designated data analysis day, if I have any. Maybe lit review, which I haven't done in a while.

And just a short statement to clarify why I can't do experiments when anything else is going on - all my experiments have 1 hour timepoints. That is the longest incubation time in an experiment that can last anywhere from 10 to 14 hours. So if I attend anything, a seminar, data club, journal club, anything, I can't do any assays on that day. Kind of sucks.

In all actuallity, I do have a lot of data to analyze right now as well as a lab notebook to update. I have several live-cell microscopy experiments to analyze and they take hours upon hours. Each experiment has about 2o stage positions, and the scope takes a picture of every stage position every 4 minutes for 5 to 10 hours. It takes a loooong time analyze and I've been putting it off. Guess this would be a good week to get it done.

Other good thing, I have to analyze the data in another lab so I won't see the Kiwi.